Taking a God demanded break

So, it has been officially decided that I am not returning to OSU in the fall. Also because of how late this decision was made I am going to be taking the semester off. I know that there is a reason God is making me take this break but it is still so hard to sit down and not go to school and it's even harder since I STILL don't have a job. I seem to be in a valley right now and I know that I am going to make it through, but it still sucks.

I realize that as I am writing this I am sounding like a whiny 15 year old girl but thanks to a good friend *cough, cough, EJ, cough, cough* I need to start talking about how I am struggling  in so many areas of my life, because, shocker: no one knows. Now, I'm NOT doing all of this for pity pep talks from people  but since I struggle with talking face-to-face with people then why not start with the internet and no faces. So, I hope this doesn't lead to a "Woe is Me" type of blog but being peppy isn't what I am feeling and hasn't been for long, long time.

So, just keeping it real,

Kayla

Faith and Hope

It has been a month since I have written so I figured it was time to write. The main thing on my mind right now is faith and hope. I have been going through a hard time and have been really stressed. I haven't been sleeping, I keep getting headaches, overall just haven't felt well. All of this because of stress! If there is one emotion/feeling that I hate more than anger it is stress. Now when I get stressed out there is a full cycle of events that happens. I will sadly admit that when I am freaking out God is not the first thing that I lean on, in fact, I lean even further away, why I do this is a whole different topic but regardless that is what happens. Next, I try to work everything on my own, which means blocking out people that can help and almost pretending that nothing is going wrong, but doing that catches up with me every night when I try to go to sleep. I then go to the worst possible scenario and then freak out even more. Finally, at the very last straw I will break down and tell God and the people around me who love and support me what is going on. I then am completely vulnerable and freak out that people and sometimes even God are not going to help me- every time I am wrong! If I could only have faith and hope that not only does God love me and have a plan for my life but that I have also surrounded myself with people that love and care about and only want the best for me. I just need to learn to skip all those nasty middle steps and just remember the faith and hope that I carry inside of me way down deep. So I leave you with these encouraging thoughts that I am trying to live by:

When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer. (Psalm 94:19)

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident. (Psalm 27: 1, 3)

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7-8)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

The next step is now

I will admit that I am one of those people that holds their breath waiting for the next thing in life to come. I am never really in the moment of today and living like that has made me miss soo many things. I am almost done with my 3rd year of college/first year at OSU and I have spent so much time wishing for it all to end and for life to begin, but looking back on it, what did I do with all of those moments that I should have treasured and lived as if they were the only ones I would ever have? When I am sitting in my rocking chair when I am 85 I have ZERO desire to look back on my life and say "well at least I was always looking forward to the next step..." and if I do, I give the person in the rocking  chair next to me full permission to slap the crap out of me. I don't want to spend my life looking forward and planning, I would rather look down at that current moment and let life push me to wherever is next. The day to day life we have may be crap but to just skip days or chunks of life is wishing away parts of the only earthly life we have. You remember the saying you heard in high school, "These will be the best years of your life" well I think that is wrong, every year should be the best year of your life because they are YOUR years of your only life, and only you know all the laughter and tears that happened in them, and if everyday you are the best you, then focus on that instead of worrying about the next step (which may never actually come).

Keep it real,
Kayla

You decide your own weather

So this post is inspired by my breakfast outing with my friend Michael (who's blog you should check out: weightlosscowboy.blogspot.com). We were talking about how this weather (it is raining here in Stillwater... a lot) just makes us oh soo happy and cheerful (hint: that was pure sarcasm). I was thinking, I don't want to be in an apathetic, kind of sad day mood just because of the weather. So, I am choosing to see the rain as a different form of sunshine. I am choosing to see the rain as rejuvenating life. Without it, all of the flowers and trees would die, there would be no lakes, or creeks, or oceans. So, in all actuality, without these great raining days those sunny days we dream about when we stare out the window on days like this, would not be possible and we would not appreciate them as much. Think about how you feel after you get out of a shower: cleaner, happier, and overall better, Mother Earth needs those days just like we need our showers. So, today I am rejoicing in rain and seeing it as a happy, but different, form of sunshine- so what is your weather going to be today?

Keep it real,
Kayla

First Blog.....

Hello all!!

I'm Kayla, and I have been drawn into the idea of starting a blog, so, here we go! I have title my blog name, keepitrealkayla, for a few reason: 1. I believe that people should be honest and be real 100% of the time, in saying that: 2. I find it hard to be real to specific groups or in a face-to-face situations so this blog is going to help me be as real as I need/want to be and: 3.I would like for people to keep me real and if I am being to over the edge or hating more than loving, let me know.

There is too much hate in this world so I plan on devoting this blog to spreading truth and love. I honestly have NO idea where this blog is going to go or what the key point of it is, but if everything in live was planned out before hand then nothing spontaneous would happen, and spontaneity is my favorite thing of life.

So as inspiration hits me, ideas will flow (hopefully in a good direction) and let's just see where this journey takes us.

Keep it real,
Kayla